While I agree with your main point that the government should be more active in banning private educatuon to suppress severe competition, I would like to clarify one of your points. You mentioned that parents should believe that their siblings will study by themselves. It is an ideal situation and all will go better if all students can study by themselves, but not all of them can be like that. In your essay, the example you gave was your own experience on studying alone. I think this weakens your main position, and it will be better if you could put some more objective supports and examples in the essay. Also, I think you could change your thesis because the point you elaborated on mostly on respecting students’ own choices is somehow disconnected from the main topic related to government and legislations.